Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
