Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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