Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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