im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
handjob tips. give me some.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks