Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
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I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.