Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.