Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.