you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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