I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.