6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.