we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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