Did you just see the Batmobile???
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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