We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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