I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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