Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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