i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
