It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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