If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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