pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
