I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
