And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
