I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
