is your mom at the bar?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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