hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
