his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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