Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
