Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
