im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
