I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
