Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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