just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
