It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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