I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
