I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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