sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
