i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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