think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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