The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
