I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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