If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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