Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Terrible idea I love it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
