Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
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there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
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Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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