I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Randomize
