Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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