Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he was CRYING into my vagina
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
