I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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