i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
