He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You made out with two different species that night
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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