Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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