i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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