Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
