Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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