its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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