Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
