We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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