i may or may not be watching the land before time
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
