i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
