She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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