Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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