my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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