It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Vodka?
Forever.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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