The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
