So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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