You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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