I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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