The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
