Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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