If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
