ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
