I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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